My dad died a year ago last month. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago, in others it is as though it happened last week.
It feels like the phone could ring tomorrow with the same news and I would nod my head and say “Oh yes, I have been waiting for this call. The past year was just a dream, wasn’t it?”
It is as if I have only just begun to understand or accept the reality of it. I think we only begin to process a death after the initial shock has started to wear off.
I want to share what I have learned this past year, in my case grieving an estranged (but still loved) parent. I still have a lot to learn on this grief journey, but I feel that I have arrived at some semblance of beginning to understand some of it.
You cannot predict how the loss of a person will make you feel
Over the years I had wondered a few times how I might feel when my dad died. I figured I would feel sad for a while but that it wouldn’t rock my world too badly, because my dad hasn’t been a part of my life for many years.
I could not have been more wrong. My dad’s death was sudden, a severely upsetting shock that I have never experienced anything like.
The first couple of weeks I could hardly breathe without crying. The tears and pain were uncontrollable and felt endless.