I’m sitting in a coffee shop by my workplace and having an existential panic.
I’ve never had an actual anxiety attack, not the kind where your body shuts down and you can’t breathe and feel like you’re going to die, but there is a certain hammering in my chest and a quickness of breath that has me feeling like I’m about to come pretty close to it. I feel as though I’m drowning and there’s nothing that I can grasp onto for more than a few moments. Everyone around me is chatting over cups of coffee and sandwiches. I want to grab them and shake them by the shoulders and scream.
I was going to come up with a theme for this week but actually, I just need to get some words down. Fuck, this is terrifying. Everything is so expensive and I have no idea how I’m going to make it in this city on my own. Fuck.