Sometimes I forget that I am Chinese. I forget my physical appearance often labels me as “the Asian girl”. I forget about my culture and my ancestors who have come before me. I forget that in America I’m typically seen as either Asian or American which leads to me feeling like none.
Today I went to dim sum, what Americans would deem as a Chinese brunch. I’ve been telling myself over and over that I want to learn Chinese. I want to be able to speak to my grandparents and my family in their native language. However I feel like I have failed in that sense. I’m twenty years old and I can’t really hold a basic conversation. I question whether or not I’m Asian enough. I think that in America it is common for us to not know our native language when we are third generation. I go to lunch with my grandparents and I struggle to find the words to speak to them. I want to tell them how much I appreciate them and love them through words but I fail at doing so.