How to Accidentally Train Your Kid to Survive

My alarm clock was pink. She came from Sears with the pack of undershirts they gave me for Christmas in the 3rd grade. I don’t know what happened to that alarm clock, but I can tell you that I held onto, and continued to stitch up the holes in those undershirts until the relationship ended when I was 38 years old.

I’ve always been sentimental with things.

This was the 90s so there was no option for a gentle warm light wakeup call… or a soft little birdie ditty. You had two options: raging, menacing beep — or — the radio. And since I wasn’t allowed to wake anyone else up when I was getting ready for school, I chose the safest route.

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