One of the biggest losses I have experienced is that of believing that I could regulate the world around me. That I could somehow guarantee that it would be safe, at least for me and those close to me.
I played with dolls a lot as a child. My dollhouse setup was home to the imaginary families I created. Parents and children and neighbours. When I ran out of room in the dollhouse that my dad wallpapered for me I created structures from books and cardboard boxes.
Intricate lives of families and friends spread across the floor. Paper dolls could be added in when I ran out of the others. I made magical games that went on for hours. It was as if I was the mayor of a town of moveable and malleable people I could control.