Recently, I had the hardest time saying no to a social outing even though I wanted to. Up until the point where I eventually declined, I felt myself wavering, trying to reason with myself and justify my reasons with examples of why I felt like I couldn’t go.
Did this process make it easier to say no? Nope! I felt bad for declining eventually. Moreover, I felt bad even though I knew that if I were on the receiving end, I would have gracefully accepted “No” as an answer, given the circumstances and the fact that this was a close friend who was understanding.
Last year, I wrote an article exploring people-pleasing tendencies and acknowledging that it is okay to say no. Now, I want to take a deeper dive into this topic by exploring ways to say no without actually feeling bad about it. As a recovering people-pleaser, I know that is it difficult to unlearn your “identity” by saying no, but I hope these practices make it easier every day.
Practice #1: Make It a Habit to Say No Every Day
Like developing any new habits, the key to saying no is starting small.
The next time you place your Starbucks order, say “No whip cream please,” or “No extra sugar in this please.”
Then try to build it up. “I would love to, but I’m afraid that I can’t today.” “I am honored that you thought of me, but not today.”
Notice that you can decline people without having to overexplain yourself. If you feel like you have to, then adding a “Sorry” may also help with the statement.